MSU Extension Healthy Relationships

Approximately 720,000 people die by suicide every year, and studies show that as many as 135 people are impacted by each of these deaths. Although most are not prepared for it to happen, it will affect too many of us at one point in time. Suicides occur across all socioeconomic groups, religions, ethnicities and nationalities.

Suicide can be confusing for those left behind. Although grief is a universal emotion, for those who have experienced a suicide loss, their grief may look different than other bereavements. In addition to the common component of grief, many survivors seek to understand why their loved one chose to end their life. It is very common to ruminate on arguments or missed opportunities to connect. Survivors may feel guilt, believing that they are somewhat responsible for their loved one’s death. Feelings of rejection and abandonment are also common responses to a suicide death, particularly when especially close to the person who has died. 

Suicide survivors may feel isolated and symptoms of depression or anxiety following a death. Suicide remains stigmatized in many communities, just like the mental health issues that often precede suicide. Family members and friends may feel that they cannot talk about their loss, and many report keeping the cause of death a secret from others as a way to protect themselves and their loved one’s memory. Shame is a commonly reported emotion following a suicide loss. Even the people supporting the survivors may avoid bringing up the person who has passed, for fear of saying the wrong thing or further complicating grief.

Yet, following a suicide death, survivors can be at increased risk of mental health challenges. Those who lose a loved one to suicide are more likely than people who have experienced other kinds of loss to experience depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal ideation. Considering this unique pain, it is important to know where to find resources and assistance to help with coping after a suicide and to process the complex grief in a healthy way.

What can help?

For those who have lost someone to suicide, the following information may be useful in navigating this loss and staying safe.

Practice self-care. Following any loss, it can be difficult to muster the energy to take engage in self-care but staying healthy and mentally well require this practice. Self-care can include basic daily actions like eating, bathing, and sleeping, and can also involve making time for physical activity or engaging in hobbies.

Find a trusted friend. Connect with people who are willing to be both a listening ear, as well as those who are comfortable in sitting in silence when there are no words. Isolation can be a stand-alone danger for mental health and can lead to increased health issues, depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. Supportive relationships, however, can reduce stress and better our health through sharing, connecting and encouraging each other.

Recognize that coping tools that were effective in the past may not be as effective under these unique circumstances. Struggling with complex grief, depressive symptoms, increased substance use or misuse, or other maladaptive coping strategies, may be a reason to find new coping tools.  Try something new such as journaling or a mindfulness practice, which can help with processing and accepting complicated emotions.

Be willing to use supportive resources. There are suicide survivor support groups that provide opportunities to talk about loss with others who have similar life experiences. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers a service called Healing Conversations, a program that connects suicide survivors with trained staff who have experienced a similar loss. A mental health professional can use different kinds of therapies to help with grief that is unrelenting and negatively impacting daily life. Speaking with a professional, whether that be a doctor, counselor or crisis line helper, is especially important if suicidal ideation is present. The National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, 988, is a helpful, accessible, and free resource for any kind of mental health crisis, including suicidal ideation. The 988 counselors can be called, texted or chatted with online. These crisis counselors can provide immediate support at any time, as well making connections to local programs that can help.  

It can be difficult to overcome the pain of losing someone, especially by suicide. While it may be hard to do, it is possible to move through the grief and to start feeling better with self-care and support. Remember, the end of a person’s life does not need to be the end of another’s life. Everyone is needed, everyone has a place, and everyone matters.

Ways to connect with Michigan State University Extension

Michigan State University Extension offers a variety of programming and resources to support yourself or loved ones undergoing mental health distress. These MSU Extension programs include self-care type classes in the Mindfulness for Better Living suite and Mental Health First Aid (MHFA). MHFA teaches how to support someone who is experiencing a mental health challenge or crisis, including how to recognize and respond to the warning signs of suicide.

For those in the agriculture industry and their families, where suicide rates remain high, resources and information can be found at the Managing Farm Stress website. These resources include teletherapy services, the free virtual training Rural Resilience and much more.